had a bad night last night. didn't get to sleep until quite late for all my sobbing, despite a level of physical exhaustion i rarely experience. i feel utterly drained. and a little bloated - at least in my face.
work kinda sucks, but i at least made it here, showered and dressed in clean clothes. i need the structure and i need to be doing something constructive, even if it is just making more parcels of land or staring at arborist reports. my social calendar has been a little fuller than usual and i skipped the gym last night due to uncontrollable sobbing - and i keep reminding myself that getting back into routine and imposing structure around nutrition and exercise serves to keep me sane. i do have the nutrition thing under control again, which feels good in a spartan, "resistance makes you stronger" kind of way.
i feel really cold. i'm too tired to focus on anything effectively and i am increasingly aware of a growing task list - it's in my head. i have yet to dump it onto paper and make it tangible.
i saw the doctor on my lunch hour and took care of some maintenance stuff - thyroid, etc. i know grief takes a lot out of a person, but i had no idea i'd be feeling so depressed that sleeping for the rest of my forseeable days would seem like the most attractive option EVER.
yep. feels like a long winter is fast approaching. i need a new hobby, because feeling crappy is no longer useful.
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