bodybuilding is hard.

being fat is hard.

i have to choose my hard.

note to self.

record keeping and review of kept records is the best way i know to maintain an "inventory" of the status of many things. to that end, i've been keeping a record of what i eat in a given day, over the last month or two.

upon review, the findings are slightly disturbing. the pattern i notice is that i can keep up the vigilant and "good" activity for about 5 days. after that, i "allow" circumstances to get in the way of a perfect track record. i dip my toe into the chaos pool about once a week. this past week has been pretty bad. sushi with a friend, junk food at olympic venues, alcohol, and "accommodating" my visiting brother's tastes have resulted in a lot of fucking chaos.

the good news is that i DID meet nutritional targets most days. the bad news is that one day was shamefully off-plan.

ah well. press on, as they say.

new tangible goal:

stop purchasing pantry items until my cupboards are barren of starchy carbohydrate laden food.

focus on protein, fat, and caloric budget. period. incidental carbs are more than sufficient for now.

tired of "be gentle with yourself" appearing to be interpreted as "it's okay to be lazy".