today, i was subtly put on notice that i have to improve my job performance (within a relatively short time frame) or i'm gonna be stuck in my present position until i die or retire, whichever somes first.
the good news is the issues are fixable. kinda. i think. the bad news is that i'm taking the news badly. i'm embarrassed and ashamed that i've wallowed in mediocrity for so long that my reputation is uh, tarnished. i'm pretty disgusted with myself for playing this game.
i worry that it isn't really fixable - i see a similar dynamic in everything i do. ignore the instructions, don't take notes, wing it till i can't anymore, and end up at the junction of epic failure and shattered illusions.
i've said it before - just show up and do what you're told. in other words, do what's required.
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