control and boundaries

wondering where the balance lies between staying true to oneself and keeping an open mind.

back to keto

and loving it. i have a cold and i'm kinda tired...so i'm going to bed early. :)

bodybuilding is hard.

being fat is hard.

i have to choose my hard.

note to self.

record keeping and review of kept records is the best way i know to maintain an "inventory" of the status of many things. to that end, i've been keeping a record of what i eat in a given day, over the last month or two.

upon review, the findings are slightly disturbing. the pattern i notice is that i can keep up the vigilant and "good" activity for about 5 days. after that, i "allow" circumstances to get in the way of a perfect track record. i dip my toe into the chaos pool about once a week. this past week has been pretty bad. sushi with a friend, junk food at olympic venues, alcohol, and "accommodating" my visiting brother's tastes have resulted in a lot of fucking chaos.

the good news is that i DID meet nutritional targets most days. the bad news is that one day was shamefully off-plan.

ah well. press on, as they say.

new tangible goal:

stop purchasing pantry items until my cupboards are barren of starchy carbohydrate laden food.

focus on protein, fat, and caloric budget. period. incidental carbs are more than sufficient for now.

tired of "be gentle with yourself" appearing to be interpreted as "it's okay to be lazy".

i've been struggling with my commitments to myself, and refining my goals. for the sake of emptying out my head, i'm taking a friend's suggestion and dumping a list of what i don't want:

i don't want to wear a size 12 anymore; i want to fit into a 6.

i don't want a hideous peach coloured bathroom.

i don't want a messy house.

i don't want a broken dryer.

i don't want dead plants in my house.

i don't want to be so fucking lazy.

i don't want to make up excuses to avoid the gym.

resolution

–noun
1.
a formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group. Compare concurrent resolution, joint resolution.
2.
a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.
3.
the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
4.
the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.
5.
the act or process of resolving or separating into constituent or elementary parts.
6.
the resulting state.
7.
Optics. the act, process, or capability of distinguishing between two separate but adjacent objects or sources of light or between two nearly equal wavelengths. Compare resolving power.
8.
a solution, accommodation, or settling of a problem, controversy, etc.
9.
Music.
a.
the progression of a voice part or of the harmony as a whole from a dissonance to a consonance.
b.
the tone or chord to which a dissonance is resolved.
10.
reduction to a simpler form; conversion.
11.
Medicine/Medical. the reduction or disappearance of a swelling or inflammation without suppuration.
12.
the degree of sharpness of a computer-generated image as measured by the number of dots per linear inch in a hard-copy printout or the number of pixels across and down on a display screen.