This is a letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Procter and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X

one of my current ruminations is about a long established pattern i've noticed over the years.
from day one, i've been an outlier, and get tossed into the deep end too soon because i've effortlessly dazzled someone with my verbal skills.

i started kindergarten a year early. i walked and talked early. i didn't have to take SATs to get into the university of my choosing. i didn't attend the orientation for new students because i was older when i started. i skipped the foreign language requirement and math requirement for my bachelor's and took computer science instead. i landed a first job as a planner in a remote community with no supervision for the first year...in short, i've winged it a lot.

i had no real connections or bonds with my classmates because 4 and a half is a helluva lot younger than five or five and a half, when you're a tot. i established an alienated feeling early and remained quite shy. i still am rather shy...except for those moments when i toss a couple of cocktails down my gullet and set out to impress someone wealthier or smarter or older than me.

i made a great impression on adults and fed off the attention i got from them. nurtured those skills...but i didn't have to really DO anything to impress anyone. all that was required of me was to use big words and spell stuff, which came easy to me. low hanging fruit for the socially retarded court jester in training.

and today, at work, i'm again reminded that i have created that dynamic here, established my reputation as the bright, funny, absent-minded, underachieving, self-serving slacker. dilletante.

only thing is, i'm not. i haven't been that girl for over a year. but i established that setup a long time ago. i established high expectations in my higher-ups, and set about failing to meet those expectations on a weekly basis for 6 months in my first year of employment. and now i pay the piper.

just wish i knew how to really and truly fix it...but fixing it is contingent on the perceptions of other people, and i only have control over what i do and say.

it's frustrating. i want to stop being angry at other people for something that is ultimately all my own fault.

been ruminating over an old habit. core belief stuff. the core belief being that i don't get relief from stress/responsibility/punishment/pain/shame unless i lie or cover up ugly truths.



at work, the secrets and lies manifest in a struggle to remain transparent when i make mistakes. first place i go to when i realize i've made an error is to start thinking of ways to cover it up. i'm in a line of work that demands a lot of transparency and i do not engage the monster there - but i catch myself trying to find a way out of admitting i made a mistake. also finding that admitting to them immediately and moving on makes everything easier - so there's a CBT aspect to being forced to own up to my mistakes that helps me "get past myself". it's not that i DON'T do it - it's just not in my nature to be transparent and humble - it's a habit i have to consistently nurture.



in my personal life, the secrets and lies manifest in the food. and my workout schedule. my bf is the most disciplined person i have ever met when it comes to nutrition and exercise, and i'm not quite like him that way. naturally, i compare myself to him and come up way short. i feel something akin to shame. i think he understands that his dedication is exceptional, and he's not super judgmental toward me - he adores me and likes my physique okay the way it is...his main interest is in supporting my goals. i think.



but once in a while he asks me how my workout went, and i haven't gone to the gym, and i say, "fine". most of the time i tell him i didn't go, but i've done it three times that i can count off the top of my head in the last six months, which means i can safely estimate i've actually done it twice as many times.



yuck. compounding shame, anyone?



i worry sometimes that i'm woefully immature and that there's just no hope. my head knows that is not true, but my heart is stupid and i still feel those feelings.



what is most significant to me is that i created a parent/child dynamic, i'm the child, and i'm waging a rebellion against an imaginary parent. to be fair and balanced aboutthis, i should note that this is not the sum total of my relationship with bf. i have a similar conversation with myself when i'm struggling to do the right thing, to stay the course with my own goals, to accept change. i literally hear myself saying, "go fuck yourself, not gonna be a good girl for you either".



i'm not about to let an old useless worn-out unwelcome habit get in the way of being present, honest, integrated, interdependent, and grounded...and the process of unlearning this particular habit is a pain in the ass.



the superhappy fun part is that once i've nailed down what i think the problem is, i get a whole lot better at finding a solution and living in it. the feelings of relief and joy are palpable. and i'm feeling a lot closer to clarity than i did a month ago...let the festivities begin.

feeling like a Harlow primate.

control and boundaries

wondering where the balance lies between staying true to oneself and keeping an open mind.

back to keto

and loving it. i have a cold and i'm kinda tired...so i'm going to bed early. :)